Fluffy and the Crue are back, baby!!!!!!!!!!

Hello boys and girls,

Fluffy is finally back (that’s one of my nicknames for those of you who don’t know). I didn’t realize that it has been almost a month since I last wrote to you crazy bastards, and what’s even crazier is that I don’t have anything to bitch about! But I do have great news….I just found out that Motley Crue will be playing right here in Lincoln, NE at the Pershing Center in March!!!! They are apparently doing a spring tour of smaller cities and venues. Tickets go on sale this Saturday morning and yours truly will be trying to score some tickets. Speaking of the Crue, I just purchased their new live double-disc DVD that they filmed in Michigan on their Carnival of Sins tour. For those of you who were able to see Motley on their last tour, this will bring back all of those drunk memories. If you were one of the unfortunates who missed them, this is a worthy DVD that showcases them in all of their craziness. Who can go wrong with hearing and seeing live tunes, midgets on motorcycles, half-naked acrobatic chicks, the cartoons, and of course, the Tommy cam!!! Plus, there is a bonus disc that is commentated by Mikey the midget.

In other music news, be sure to pick up the new Slipknot live double-disc. It’s a very polished live sounding album and is not as raw as it could be (or at least as rough and raw as I like it); however, it is a great, great, great album none the less. There is a nice array of songs and ones that you wouldn’t have thought that they would have put on here like Skin Ticket (although it would have been nice to have heard Gently live). It was worth the money just to hear the live version of Eeyore. I’m a little biased because I’m a huge fan of this band, but it really does rock hard. Also, the new Soulfly record, “Dark Ages,” is awesome. As if it was possible, I think this is one of their heaviest albums and sounds like one of their most focused. They are experimental as usual, but it flows really well and even includes some guitar solos!?! YES!!! Sevendust also put out a new album last month called, “Next.” At first I was a little disappointed, but the more I listen to this mo-fo the more I like it which isn’t a surprise if you know my love for Sevendust. They are a solid rock band that have been doing it for a long time and are very much underappreciated. Lajon has one of the greatest voices in rock today and really does a great job.

I also bought Rob Zombie’s new movie called, “The Devil’s Rejects.” Very cool! I especially love the background music because it’s not what you would expect. He uses a lot of the oldies and classic rock such as “Free Bird” by Skynard while the final showdown is about to happen. It’s also a different type of film than what you would expect from him because it’s not all about monsters and horror. On the other hand, the new Beavis and Butthead DVD was a little disappointing. It’s cool because I love those goofy bastards, but it promised their commentary on music videos which, let’s face it, was the best part of the show. So, yes, they did have this, but it was on a separate disc, they only had 11 videos, and they didn’t blend it into the episodes. The other 2 discs are just episodes without the videos. If you are a fan, it is still cool but they kind of mislead you on what the DVD’s actually offer. Still damn funny though!!!!! Hey Beavis….just tryin’ to do some work around here…..well I’ll be goddamned…..

Well folks, I think that’s it for this go ‘round, but hopefully (I think) something will piss me off so I can go off on another topic. And to those of you who saw me country dancing at the wedding awhile back, you can all go and fuck yourself! They are all lies damn it!!! I would never, and if I did, I must have been really drunk!!! No, I’m only kidding. I don’t want you to go fuck yourself unless you really want/need to, and it was good seeing you all again. I had a great time……..but I was really drunk!!!!!!

Your Fearless Leader,

Fluffy

My Friend the Cell Phone (Part I)

Hello boys and girls and all of you other crazy monkeys. I hope everything is going well for you all. I’m doing great, thanks for asking. Anyway, as I had previously mentioned, I was going to express some concerns about my enemy the cell phone. This past week has been a particularly bad one in relation to this very topic so I felt as though it was time…..

First of all, I must stress that I don’t actually hate the cell phone but rather the idiots who use them. Calm down, calm down…I don’t mean everyone, just those who are married to their phone and try to make them feel more important than they really are or those who feel the need to get an official decision on a simplistic task. I mean come on; you don’t need to call your wife at home to decide on whether you should get Brawny or Best Choice paper towels. Just fucking pick one out and buy it!!! It’s time to grow a pair!! I should hope the relationship is solid enough that your decision in paper products won’t be the deal breaker.

Now being a Midwesterner for the majority of my life, I can appreciate the utility of a cell phone in the winter. I also understand the necessity of those who need to have them for their jobs, and the undeniable fact that they are becoming much cheaper than a land line. However, if you are at work, the library, gym, movies, class, church, sporting events, concerts, a park, Disney World, on a date, driving (which by the way slows your reaction time to that of a senior citizen and creates just as many accidents nowadays), etc., etc., etc.,…..SHUT THE FUCKING THING OFF!!! Now I realize an urgent call may occur, but that’s why it’s o.k. to check every now and again. Even I know that cell phones can be set to vibrate with the ringer off. If it’s important, take it to a private area and answer it or call back.

The thing that pissed me off the most the other day was when I was at the gym working out. This dumb bizzo was on the treadmill and got a phone call. First off, why did she bring her phone? Anyway (I’m getting angry as I write this), she proceeds to answer the phone. Since people on cell phones haven’t mastered the art of talking softly, I was able to make out her entire f-ing conversation. Here is the synopsis: She was talking to her roommate whom she had just seen when she left her apartment 50 feet away. Oh yeah, her roommate was still at the apartment, she just wanted to say hi. How sweet, hold on I’m getting choked up… I need a tissue….. Well, this moron proceeded to tell her friend how hard she has been working out lately (even though they live together and have probably talked about this before), but doesn’t understand why she hasn’t been losing weight. Here’s a thought, get off the phone, shut the fuck up, and actually run. It’s hard to lose weight when your fat ass stands on the treadmill talking on the phone, let alone the fact you are keeping others from using the treadmill while you waste our oxygen mooing to your friends. But here’s the kicker, at the end of the conversation she asked her roommate to pick her up some Cheetos and Oreos because she feels as though she has earned them after such a hard week. What??? I could go off on that but I think you get the point.

In conclusion, I just want to reiterate that I don’t hate cell phones or those that use them, only those that use them improperly and with disrespect to the individuals around them. I don’t blow smoke in your face as you are trying to read so don’t talk when I’m trying to do the same.

Holy Monkey, I’m done. Until next time,

God bless and remember Jesus loves you (even our Jewish friends)

A music review

I’m back baby! That was pretty quick, huh? I go forever between posts and now I’ve got something added within a few days.

Today I was at my local record store picking up a couple new CD’s and a DVD. I purchased the new Disturbed album (“Ten Thousand Fists”), the fairly new God Forbid record (“IV: Constitution of Treason”), and a Lamb of God DVD entitled “Killadelphia.” Because my true love in life is music, I thought it would be a good idea to play rock critic and pass along a few of my reviews as well as a heads up on what I’ve been listening to lately. Without a doubt, if you are a metal head, you should give the aforementioned God Forbid album a listen. It sounds the way Lamb of God should sound. Don’t get me wrong, I really like Lamb of God but this album rules! As far as Disturbed is concerned, I would suggest borrowing a copy before spending your hard earned cash on it. It’s growing on me, but I haven’t decided if they are really good songs or just a bunch of filler material. We will see…..

As far as other stuff goes, the best heavy metal record I’ve heard in awhile is by a band called Devildriver. The album is called “The Fury of Our Maker’s Hand (which is their 2nd album).” For those of you who don’t know, the lead singer of the band is Dez Fafara who was formerly in Coal Chamber. But don’t worry, this album in no way contains the sound of that nu metal garbage (although Coal Chamber was pretty bad ass). Trust me; this is not one for mom or dad. This one’s definitely for the kids. It is a full on brutal album and as I like to say, it is full of controlled chaos.

Just to go slightly retro on you, do yourself a favor and pick up Life of Agony’s the “River Runs Red.” This bad boy came out in 1993 and still holds up today. Geez, these bands sure have some depressing titles for their band names and records, huh?

Finally, if you only listen to Limp Bizkit, Linkin Park, Sum 41, or the Foo Fighters….first off, God have mercy on your soul, secondly, you are not a metal head. It’s cool if you listen to them, but don’t try and explain to me why they should be in the metal category. It’s kind of like giving yourself a nickname. It should be earned, and if it’s real, you will know it when you hear it. I’ve crapped out heavier things, and trust me, it still stinks.

Well, that’s it. If I do another music review, I will add in some things other than hard rock music, although it may be difficult. I’m also a huge fan of the oldies (I know, I know) and some classic rock such as Clapton and Skynard. Just don’t get me started on AC/DC, Van Halen, or Aerosmith especially when it involves a triple shot from that damn station in Sioux City, Iowa!!!!
Until next time you crazy bastards.

With Love,

The C-Man

I need to get some things off my chest

Well, well, well,

Hey Kids, it’s been awhile since I’ve posted and I truly apologize for that. From now on I will make a better effort to get these rants out to my fans. In all honesty, I have a few written out but I was just too damn lazy to get them passed on to Bluto so he could post them online. Now that that’s done….

I need to begin here by passing along a big thank you to my manager. She was nice enough to let my drunken ass hang out the other night and get a few things off of my chest. On the negative side, she knows about this website now so I can’t talk shit about work (not that I would Bridget). So thanks a lot Bridget and hang in there. What was that email address again…joecop? bluecop?....

Normally my rants will be in good natured fun about something pissing me off that’s really not that big of a deal like my shitty football team (any Vikings fans out there?...probably not anymore, go Bengals) or about fun topics like why monkeys rule, but this time I’ve got something that’s really bothering me. I won’t get into the specifics or name any names, but if you are a guy and feel it’s necessary to hit a woman, then you better hope I don’t hear about it. Unless you are a boxer or in the military, there’s no reason to lay your hands on anyone, male or female, unless it’s to protect yourself or your family. Too many times lately, I’ve heard about and personally experienced these situations where these fucking rednecks (sorry about the stereotyping, you’re all included in this group) feel it’s necessary and funny to hurt their girlfriends or wives because they had a bad day. If you feel the need to vent and release some aggression, why don’t you put on your wife beater and go build that carburetor or whatever the hell else you guys do with your dumb ass pickup truck. I know violence makes you feel better, but I hope you realize (which you won’t) that it’s more than the physical pain you are causing. Emotionally you are scarring them and making them afraid to do anything out of fear. If you need someone to fight, give me a ring. I will be more than happy to accommodate your wishes. I may not win the fight, but at least it will be more of an even competition. But then again, that’s part of the problem. You don’t like a fair fight, because then you may get hurt and realize the pain you’ve caused these women.

O.K. Sorry about that. Next weeks rant will be more light hearted and fun. I definitely have to get one out there about my anger towards cell phones (YOU’RE NOT THAT IMPORTANT, HANG IT UP!!!!). Anyway folks, you all take care and remember life is all strawberries and orgasms.

Your Higher Power,

Curtis

My first rant

Well hello ladies and gents,

As you have probably figured out already, my name is Curtis. Some people call me Fluffy which is another story for another time. For my 1st entry, I thought I would keep it simple and just let you know a little bit about myself and what my plans are for these postings.

First things first, we all need to give a round of applause for my main man Bluto for setting up this website. It was a wonderful idea and I know he will keep plenty of refreshing information coming your way. Now on to business, I plan on having weekly rants (although more than likely bi-weekly with my schedule) to pass along my thoughts and feelings about life. You know those little things that are pissing you off or those things that really rock. There will be an enormous array of topics that I will cover ranging from booze, chicks, monkeys, music (mostly heavy metal…anything from the Crue to Goatwhore), and my disgust for racist/sexist rednecks and cell phones, etc., etc., etc…. the possibilities are endless.
In fact, I don’t know if this is possible, but maybe we can set up a poll and take a vote on what I will go off about. For example, I can list 4 topics each week and let you decide on what you want to hear. I have many things to share and I can go off on any topic so we will see.

Any who, now a little bit about myself. I am a 26 year old heterosexual male, and to steal part of a line from the movie “Old School,” I am a very successful, very disease free gentleman. I grew up in South Dakota with a short stay as a child in Arizona. I moved to Lincoln a couple of years ago to complete my master’s degree in forensic science. In addition to school, I also work full-time for a company called DSN where I work with mentally and physically handicapped adults.

You know what, I think that’s enough for now but be sure to tune in next time for my 1st rant, it will be coming very soon. Just go to brotherbluto.com and after you’ve checked out everything simply click on the heading called Curtis. Remember, life is all strawberries and orgasms (everyone likes strawberries and who in the hell doesn’t like a good orgasm).

Party hardy, rock and roll, drink a fifth, smoke a …….

Curtis